March 1st was a happy day as my granddaughter was born that day. I will always make that day special and happy. But while I was at work I received a phone from my sister saying that my mom had a stroke and was being rushed to the hospital. I was in shock, scared and sad.
My hubby, my grandma and I rushed up to Casper to see her. My oldest son was with her and they called me. When she got to the hospital they gave her medicine to help with the stroke. She was talking ,moving and so she called me. While we were on the phone all she could say was ok, things went down hill from there. We thought she was going to be ok but she wasn't. She ended up getting a big brain bleed. She couldn't talk, or move her right side. When we made it to the hospital she had tubes everywhere. My heart was broken and I hated seeing my mom like that. She never wanted to live like that. She always told us she didn't want people to take are of her, no nursing home, nothing. Those days were so hard for me. My mom and I had plans and now those plans were not going to happen. I was broken. I wasn't ready for my mom to leave. I knew she wouldn't want to live like that and I needed to be strong.
My heart was so broken and I felt so lost. My dad (step dad) divorced my mom about 2 years earlier and pretty much wrote me off. He doesn't call me, doesn't see me and during this horrible time I needed him to be there and he wasn't, which made it even harder for me. I know my thoughts are all over the place. I can't seem to think straight sometimes. It is hard for me to get through the day. It is so hard knowing my dad the guy who raised me doesn't want me in his life either.
March 13,2019 is the hardest day ever. We were in the middle of a damn blizzard and I couldn't get to Capser to be with my mom and she passed away that evening. I didn't get to say good bye. I spent as much time with her in the last weeks as I could but I wasn't ready for her to go. I still needed her. We had plans. I think that is the hardest for me. I was so mad as she just started her new life. She was getting healthy, had just moved to Casper-been there only 2 weeks, started her new dream job, which she was So excited about. She was at work when she had her stroke. It just sucks. I was so happy my mom and I were on good terms, getting along and working on our relationship. I haven't really had my breakdown yet but I know it is coming. I am so mad she is gone-she was to young and I wasn't ready!!! I know we can't control when God calls us home. I know she is in a better place but I am still mad, sad and broken.
My mom was a loving, very caring, fun, smart, amazing person. She was an amazing nurse who loved to help others. She was an amazing cook, an awesome grandma & great grandma. I miss her so much!!!
She always told us girls she wanted to donate her body to science. I know some people think that is crazy, but my mom loved to help others. She said if she could help other nurses and doctors learn from her then that is what she wanted. So we did just that. It is so cool that she told us to do. It feels good to know we could help! <3 I LOVE YOU MOM, I MISS YOU MOM! I HOPE YOU ARE DANCING UP IN HEAVEN AND ARE HAPPY AND AT PEACE <3
I am so glad you asked me to take these photographs of you this past Aug. I so Wish I could of had some photographs of you and me together. It is all I have of you now. Photographs really are the best thing ever-it is what we have left once our loved ones are gone! I am so glad I have these images of you <3
Because of all this going on in my life I have not been so busy at work. I need to get back to working and can't wait to start photographing again. But for now I do know I need take a small trip somewhere to get my mind and heart back to a good place. I am still taking sessions, but I do plan to take a week off soon.